Being famous has its perks, namely having sex with many beautiful women. Sometimes these women get pregnant, "accidentally," even though they assure you that they are on the pill and probably barren anyway so there is no need to wear that condom. Luckily for us, these happy accidents sometimes make us have happy accidents, in our pants, masturbation jokes are funny.
Steven and Liv Tyler
This old recovering junkie with permanent duck face is, for those of you who didn't know, a rock star, not just a judge on American Idol. Back when he was still making music he could, and probably did, have any woman he wanted. Fat or thin, young or old, real or imaginary, Steven, in true rock star fashion, did them all. He probably even nailed the hot young girls in his videos, all except one, hopefully.
Am I a good stripper Daddy?
Just so everyone knows, writing that caption made me feel dirty. That is Steven's daughter Liv, and that is a shot from Aerosmith's music video for Crazy. This is what happens when a rock legend knocks up a Playboy Playmate. Liv has earned her own place in Americana by appearing in The Lord of the Rings and shitty horror movies, but for me her place in the spank bank will always be on stage, stripping for Alicia Silverstone to the soundtrack of her daddy's music. I'm going to go take a shower now.
My first menage a trois
Chris and Abby Elliott
Proof that funny gets you laid I submit for your perusal, Chris Elliot. Seeing as how I am about as attractive as this fellow, only with more hair, I won't listen to any arguments on the contrary, it's all I have to hold on to. How do I know that funny equals sexy?
No creepy stripping for my daddy thing here! I'm sorry
I really don't know why I keep going there.
Go ahead and scroll back up and look at Abby's father again. I realize that it takes two to make the child, but with a father like that her mom must be an angel. Abby has also proven to me that humor must be sexually transmitted because she is following in her father's footsteps by appearing with a very unfunny group on SNL. Might I suggest someone start writing "Cabin Girl."
My parents aren't funny.
Donald and Ivanka Trump
Hair like that and he still bangs more models than anyone on this list. Proof that it is good to be the Donald, well at least good to be a billionaire. Kids out there take note, having billions of dollars makes it easier to get into the pants of hot women than any other reason. If that statement offended any of you then I ask that you share some of those happy pills with me and we can both kick back and watch the rose colored world go on without us. Now, kids, what's the best way to get your hands on some of those billions? Do like those gold digging bitches and marry into it. Now sometimes that is a disgusting possibility, see above, but other times, well...
Best of both worlds!
With Ivanka, you really do get the best of it. Not only is she hot but she stands to inherit all that money that Donald has been hoarding, when he isn't plating his name in gold on one of his buildings. If you are planning on making a move on her, and quite frankly I'm not sure if you can, I haven't done a whole lot of research here, then do it quick before Donald wastes his fortune running for President. Then again, you could be nailing the First Daughter. God, I really hope not.
I think you need to have a OT III to nail the first daughter.
Rowan and Gemma Atkinson
Proving that it's not only Americans that breed out of their social class, I ask the court to take into evidence Mr. Bean himself, Rowan Atkinson. I've never been to England and from what I can tell on the BBC, Rowan is actually considered quite handsome over on the Isles, by British standards anyway, and maybe Black Adder is just irreverent British slang for penis size. I keep telling myself this because...
Maybe my mother cheated on him?
This is Gemma. My understanding of high school science tells me this shouldn't be possible. It is because of her that I believe Darwin was correct in stating that there will be mutations in the gene pool. I think it is only fair that we start a movement to keep Rowan breeding until his adder falls off.
I like jam too, we have so much in common!